Current mood

Fighting a losing battle

Sooooo things aren't going great at the moment. My moods are pretty dark. U have had some much going on over the last couple of months. Things I should have been really excited about but now they are over I just feel empty. I can feel ok one min be happy laughing and joking and then next I'm so far down. I have become a bit of a hermit as don't really want to talk to people but then no ones really noticed that I'm MIA. I can't seem to cope with anything or any little change. I just feel worthless a failure. I know what I need to do but at the moment don't have the energy to bother. So I just sink further and further. I sometimes feel like I'm watching myself as I'm not myself I'm disappearing in not me anymore. 

                       Kisses Kitty

It will be ok. It has to be ok.

Trying

So I'm trying like really trying to beat this and avoid meds at all costs. So far the best thing is the gym. I can hammer myself there which helps with the pure rage and anger I feel!  Also helps release those all important endorphins. I have really noticed the difference when I haven't been able to go. I have been practice yoga again on my days off from the gym which I feel is helping too. 

It helps that the sun has been shining so have been out playing with the girls aswell. I think /feel things are going better but I can easily sink again pretty quick. I spoke to my friend the other day who has her own problems and understands what I'm going through . Just being honest and saying outloud how I wasn't ok and hadn't been for weeks made a big difference now I don't feel like I have to avoid her as she knows. 

 So lots of gym this week and lots of plans. Got a big weekend coming up so should be fun. 

                        Kisses Kitty

                               X

Xx

Nail on the head

Kitty is losing her shit!

Depression is a sneaky bitch just when you think you're doing ok it comes back and bites you on the ass! Let me explain .I suffer from manic depression have done for a long time. Horrible bouts of it where I don't want to be here. I fantasise of ways out of my life and generally think the world would be better without me. Not meaning I would do anything  as I happen to be a mother of 2 beautiful girls also with a loving husband. That's the thing with depression though. You can have all these nice things but you still feel like your life sucks and that you want to go to sleep for a very long time.
It's been creeping up over the last couple of months. I don't want to see anyone. I'm avoiding friend when I did the school run, I want to sleep all the time, I feel well nothing sometimes other times I want to run and just keep running.
I'm hitting the gym as A- still trying to shift the baby weight and B- it's better than meds. And I do feel much better after I have been.
 No one knows other than Him and he wants me to go to the docs and have meds but I just remember them being horrible. I don't want to talk to anyone really as I don't want pity. I don't want to feel like this so I don't want anyone else's pity. He doesn't understand though Mr sunny disposition and I guess it's hard for people who have never suffered depression before to really understand. We can't just snap out of it, we're not just being grumpy!
                                          Kisses Kitty
                                                   X